Parenting Through The Phases

You only know your kid once in the phase they're in now.

Parenting Through The Phases is a short video series that will help you discover what’s changing about your kid, the six things your kid needs most, and four conversations to have with your kid while they are in each phase.

Start the Countdown

Bottom Line:

When you see how much time you have left, you tend to get serious about the time you have now.

Scripture:

“Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom” (Psalm 90:12 NIV).

Answer the following questions in a journal, or discuss them with your spouse or as a group:

  • How many weeks do you have until your child graduates high school? (Check the Parent Cue App.)
  • What is something that has changed about your son or daughter in the last year?
  • Make a short list of things you hope your kids will come to believe over time that may be hard to convince them in just a moment.
  • Can you remember something that your parents or grandparents did over time that fueled you emotionally in a positive way?
  • What do you think might be your son’s or daughter’s favorite thing to do as a family right in the phase they are in now?

Parent Cue:

Create a visual countdown (like a marble jar) of the weeks you have left with your child until they move on to their next. You’ll find the number of weeks for your child in your Parent Cue App!

Rediscover Your Kid Every Year

Bottom Line:

Every phase is a timeframe in a kid’s life to leverage distinctive opportunities to influence their future.

Scripture:

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven” (Ecclesiastes 3:1 NIV).

Answer the following questions in a journal, or discuss them with your spouse or as a group:

  • Which of your good personality traits did your kid(s) get? Which of your not-so-good ones did they inherit, too?
  • What are some things you have enjoyed most about the phase you are parenting right now?
  • Once you think you know your kid, they change! What’s something about your kid that you wish you knew more about in this phase?
  • What kinds of questions or needs do you see your kid processing either with their actions or words?
  • Consider the roles Kristen mentioned in the video for the phase your child is in now. How do you see yourself operating in this role to provide the answer your child needs?
    • Preschool: Embrace their needs
    • Elementary school: Engage their interests
    • Middle school: Affirm their personal journey
    • High School: Mobilize their potential
  • What’s one thing you can do this week to grow in your current role as a parent?

Parent Cue:

Practice becoming a student of your child this week. Are there any likes, dislikes or behaviors you see in your child that you didn’t notice until now? Keep watching and see how much you can learn!

Make History One Week at a Time

Bottom Line:

When you invest in your kid every week, you are giving them a relational and emotional history that sets them up for the right kind of future.

Scripture:

“A good person leaves an inheritance for their children's children” (Proverbs 13:22 NIV).

Answer the following questions in a journal, or discuss them with your spouse or as a group:

  • What’s something you remember your parents saying to you over and over again growing up?
  • LOVE. What are ways you are already showing up consistently to show your child you love them over time?
  • WORDS. What are a few words that you want your kid to remember when they are older? What are some words your family repeats over and over?
  • STORIES. What’s a story about your family that you want your kids to know?  How could it give them a healthy context of who they are and where they come from?
  • FUN. What do you do as a family to have fun together? What is something you want to do more of?
  • WORK. What kind of responsibilities will you give your kid in this phase?
  • TRIBES. How can you lean more into others to help your family in this phase?
  • Love. Words. Stories. Fun. Work. Tribes. Out of the six, which of these do you feel you do well? What are one or two things you would like to work on?

Parent Cue:

Choose one of the six things to focus on this week with your child and decide on one thing you will do. How can you build this into your weekly routine? Remember this is lifelong marathon not a one day sprint!

Talk About What Matters

Bottom Line:

When you know what you want to be true in your kid’s life, it will help you stay focused, prioritize your efforts, and maintain perspective.

Scripture:

“Start children off on the right path, and even when they are old they will not turn from it” (Proverbs 22:6 NIrV).

Answer the following questions in a journal, or discuss them with your spouse or as a group:

  • What’s the most awkward conversation you ever had with your parents growing up?
  • Which of these conversations as a parent gives you the most anxiety—health, technology, or sex? Why?
  • How does your child respond when you approach him or her with personal conversations? How have you seen this change through the phases?
  • HEALTH. What are your biggest concerns related to helping your kids form healthy habits? What are some good or bad habits that you see developing?
  • SEX. When it comes to sexual integrity, what conversations can you have today that will lead to better decisions tomorrow? What conversations have you already had? How did they go?
  • TECHNOLOGY.  What guidelines do you have in place to help your kid leverage technology in a positive way? What are some issues you have already had to navigate?
  • In your experience, what’s the best time, place, or approach for you to have these kinds of conversations with your kids at this age?
  • When you look ahead to who your child will become, what do you want to be true for your child in the areas of health, sex, and technology?

Parent Cue:

Evaluate where you are on each of these three issues. Choose one thing you can do next to help move your child in a better direction in one of these areas. Only two more to go, don't give up now!

Connect Your Kid to a Bigger Story

Bottom Line:

If you want to help a kid have a better future, then help them understand how to love God.

Scripture:

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind”; and, “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Luke 10:27 NIV).

Answer the following questions in a journal, or discuss them with your spouse or as a group:

  • What’s one thing you can remember your parents saying about faith growing up?
  • What do you want to be true about your kid’s faith one day when they grow up and leave your home?
  • On a scale of 1 – 10 how confident do you feel having faith conversations with your kid, and why? What resources (or people) might help you feel more confident?
  • Consider these three words: Wonder, Discovery, Passion. Which one do you feel you inspire most in your home? And which one would you like to become more intentional about?
  • What do you feel is most helpful in growing your kid’s faith in the phase they’re in now? (ex. Church, mission experiences, school FCA, family conversations, etc…)

Parent Cue:

Choose one simple thing to do this week to help your family connect to a bigger story—talk about your faith, ask your child a question, volunteer/help someone in need, discover something new about God in a story from the Bible. You are building habits that will change the trajectory of you and your family's future!

Create a Rhythm in Your Home

Bottom Line:

It’s what you do in the everyday moments of life that will make the lasting impressions on your kid’s heart.

Scripture:

“These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up” (Deuteronomy 6:6-7 NIV).

Answer the following questions in a journal, or discuss them with your spouse or as a group:

  • How do you feel about the daily rhythm of your family right now? What are at least three consistent times you have together? (Morning time, drive time, etc…)
  • How have you seen your family rhythm shift over time? And, what is your favorite time of day with your kid now?
  • What do you think your kids would say are the values of your home?
  • How might you leverage routine family time to become more intentional about instilling these values in your kids?
  • How can you leverage the time you have every day (or every week) with your kid in this phase to focus on the things that matter?

Parent Cue:

Decide which times of the day or of the week work best for you to be intentional with your kids. You may want to schedule them in your calendar. Choose to prioritize those times this week (and the weeks going forward) and watch what happens! 

Congrats on choosing to take the time to learn and implement ways you can become a more intentional parent in every phase!